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Thursday, December 10, 2009

We Rebuke Thee, O Sinner! 

Impeach him for the highly public tickling of the fat potato-finger of lust? Not so much.

Instead, "the special [S.C.] House impeachment panel approved an official rebuke of Sanford for bringing 'ridicule, dishonor, disgrace and shame' on South Carolina, its citizens and the governor's office."

A sternly worded scolding.

Not that anyone will ever notice the glaring inconsistency, that the censure route was not judged to be nearly severe enough for that ole randy goat Bill Clinton. It's just hard to cut your own livestock from the herd, right guys?


Thursday, September 03, 2009

The Benefits of Worshiping a Particular God 

Because, apparently, He justifies the actions of ... certain people.

Mark Sanford, the fornicating Guv of South Carolina, for example, sez God's on his side. And now we understand the whiteness behind the "white lie."

Rachel Maddow has had a segment lately spilling the only beans you need to know in this age of hypocritical self-righteousness: "It's okay if a Republican does it."

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Monday, July 20, 2009

Bleat, Goes the Guv 

South Carolina's Guv and Chief Hypocrite just can't stop spinning. He distributed an essay to the state's Sunday papers yesterday 'splaining how God was working through his life in a special way, that all that sneakin' 'round was just what God wanted him to do so that he could be exposed (crucified) for the greater glory of the Lard.

Don't know what the Guv was inhaling when he lived in that "Christian" Frat House on C Street in D.C., where other recent strutting Republican adulterers also bunked, but apparently it leads to blessed self-congratulation.

At least the other recently exposed hypocrites like Sen. John Ensign have chosen to remain (relatively) silent. Sanford can't stop yapping about how God has graced him with absolution. Would that God would grace the rest of us with a little gubernatorial silence.


Monday, June 29, 2009

The Chosen People 

Here's an example of using your Christian status among The Saved as a trump card to save you from punishment, i.e. in this case, loss of job:

Gov. Mark Sanford (R-S.C.), on Friday:
I have been doing a lot of soul-searching on that front. What I find interesting is the story of David, and the way in which he fell mightily, he fell in very very significant ways. But then picked up the pieces and built from there.

Zachery Roth helpfully reminds us of the plot of David&Bathsheba:
As King of Israel and Judea, David saw Bathsheba in the bath (he was walking on the roof at the time, goes the story) and immediately had to have her. After getting her pregnant, he tried to conceal it by ordering her husband Uriah to return from war and sleep with Bathsheba, so that the baby would be thought of as Uriah's.

But Uriah preferred to remain at war. So David gave an order that Uriah should be abandoned in battle, ensuring his death. Then he married Bathsheba.

And he didn't even have to give up his kingship.

According to reporters who were present when Sanford compared himself to King David, the governor's cabinet exhibited "looks of nervousness and incredulity," so that immediately afterward, the Guv's office issued a written statement:
I remain committed to rebuilding the trust that has been committed to me over the next 18 months, and it is my hope that I am able to follow the example set by David in the Bible -- who after his fall from grace humbly refocused on the work at hand. By doing so, I will ultimately better serve in every area of my life, and I am committed to doing so.

Will someone please send this child to camp?

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Odd Man, Out 

So South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford's staff was just plain lying for him when they announced yesterday that he was on a hike.

Instead, he was in Buenos Aires without telling his wife and four kids.

"I wanted to do something exotic," Sanford told The State newspaper.

The "something exotic" that Sanford was doing turns out to be an Argentinian woman.


Friday, February 20, 2009

When Situational Ethics Happen to the Morally Superior 

Hyper-conservative Carolina Politics advises S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford to just take the Obama stimulus money already. Because, better the money gets spent in South Carolina than in some less savory state.

By Gawd, they do believe in evolution in the Palmetto Bug State!

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Hypocrite of the Day 

Republican Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina says he just hates the socialism and all, but he'll take the Obama stimulus money, because being against the plan "doesn't preclude taking the money."

Insert your own joke here.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Time for Foxx to Put Up or Shut Up 

Late yesterday afternoon Dan Besse posted this wholly reasonable suggestion on BlueNC:
Every elected representative who rails against the stimulus as fundamentally a bad idea should be expected to file an opt-out bill on behalf of his or her district. Under the opt-out, no infrastructure funds, no education funds, no broadband money, etc., from the stimulus-funded programs would be used in his/her district.

With Rep. Virginia Foxx taking every opportunity to fog-horn her utter disgust with President Obama and his economic stimulus, it's time for her to have the courage of her convictions and actually do what Dan suggests ... DEMAND that the 5th Dist. is waaay too American, too patriotic, too Godly to accept any of the president's ill-gotten funds.

To sit silently by ... why, Foxx might as well have voted for the stimulus.

All she has to do is follow the lead of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, who yesterday said he intends to sniff every single dollar of the $4 billion that his state was due to receive, to make sure the wrong people hadn't handled it. That is the right thing to do, if you're a conservative extremist who believes in casting out demons and federal dollars with equal fervor.

We expect Gov. Mark Sanford of South Em-Effing Carolina to do likewise, to gather the hem of his cloak up tightly 'gainst his thighs, to wave off the Obama stimulus, and to pray to God to save his state from all such intrusions of Northern Aggression.

Madam Foxx should be so brave, or at least as intellectually consistent as her incessant carping.

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Sunday, November 30, 2008

GOP Consensus? 'Take Down the Big Tent' 

The Republican Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, oft-mentioned these days as a potential new leader of the disgraced GOP, opines about the future of his party at and not only agrees with other leaders who are calling for MORE conservatism but also ups the ante slightly by dissing El Presidente's "compassionate conservatism" as mere window-dressing that didn't fool anybody and by actually calling for a purge of moderate or "fake conservative" elements in the party. He doesn't name names, naturally, but we wonder who he's talking about. Could it be Sen. John McCain who needs ousting? Maybe the two Maine senators, Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins, whose "moderation" famously led them to vote against the conviction of Pres. Bill Clinton in his impeachment.

If it would be of any help to Gov. Sanford and his fellow travelers, we would be glad to begin work on a short list of prominent Republicans who look suspiciously non-doctrinaire, "persons of interest" whose very presence in the GOP is simply (probably) holding everybody back.

We'll also be glad to hold the governor's coat while he leads the ritual stoning.

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